This will be a really simple post because it’s a really simple ask.
The ask is to apologize.
I would argue that there is not one lucid, grown-up person who has not wronged someone (and sometimes, we know we’ve wronged someone). Further, I’d go out on a limb and say that many of you reading this blog have done something that you know you need to apologize for and haven’t. Let me push it a bit further, those of us who are parents have probably done or said something that we shouldn’t have to our children, and because they are children, we didn’t apologize.
There are other cases; ones that may have just happened yesterday, or this morning, or last week, where the baggage you carry from your life’s experiences caused you to say something that offended someone else, and you walked off like it was nothing. And perhaps at the moment you didn’t realize the ought, but there was a nagging in your chest that wouldn’t leave you alone a few hours afterward. You knew then you needed to apologize.
My advice: just do it.
And yes, there is pride. It’s a dangerous thing. Pride will have you waiting for time to pass so you can forget about what you’ve done, so you can start looking folks in the eye again because “you ain’t thought nothing else about it.” It will cause you to leave things unfinished, because the person deserved it, or because it happened to you and you came out okay, or because they’ll be alright, or because she’s a child; she won’t remember it, or because it’s a job, I don’t have to live with those folks.
You have to live with yourself.
I wish that I could honestly say that a heartfelt apology is for you and not the other person. I can’t. Sometimes, an apology is for the other person, too. Sometimes the apology may not be for you at all and just for the other person. It’s about reconciling hearts to each other. It’s about restorative relationships. It’s about showing up for someone who needs to know you care enough to come back and offer recompense for an offense, and that makes the other person feel really special and valued, kinda like you want to feel sometimes.
So, this blog ends with a challenge. Comb your heart for someone you’ve offended. Call them up and ask if they have time to talk. Apologize. They may say, “aw, girl that’s okay.” You may feel vulnerable. You may even feel a little bit embarrassed, but if you’re reading this, it needs to be done, and you will feel much better having done it.
Saying I’m Sorry