Disclaimer: this is not written like an English teacher would write it. So take your academic hat off and get your life with this blog.
We stay living our lives by memes and Instagram posts. And the one that I’ve seen circulating more at the beginning of each new year is that bit about cutting people out of your life who serve no purpose; who cause you harm; who mean you no good; who are not on your level; who are not there to elevate you; who don’t believe in your dreams. For the most part… it’s legit. I’m a firm believer in the purge, the detox, the pruning, and the cut-offs, but I want to offer a few other perspectives. You won’t like them. But that’s okay, I won’t cut you off for that.
The Big Chop
My natural hair wearers know what that is. It’s when you get sick and tired of the creamy crack and you want to start all over. You’ve read the blogs, watched the YouTubes, talked to your natural friends, and you realize that anything that changes the ENTIRE chemical makeup of your hair, may not be good for your tresses. You take a deep breath and chop all your hair off, just so you can start fresh with a healthy new head of hair. I think it’s kind of like that with people, situations, friends, family, and even careers. Anything that causes you to change and compromise who you are, particularly as a believer, may need to be cut off. It may be time to start over, if not, you’ll go through the same chemical break down every year, causing more damage than growth. I get it. Go ahead. Chop it off. Don’t waste your time cutting off the perm edges as they grow out. Clean break it, if you can take it.
Self Care vs Self Development
Most times, my daughter’s pediatrician is awesome. She doesn’t over-prescribe antibiotics. Some things she lets “run its course,” so that my daughter can build up a resistance to whatever virus is attacking her immune system. I have been here in my very recent past. There have been people I wanted to cut off soooooo bad, but for some reason, the Lord stayed my hand. He kept saying, not yet. Just the other day, I realized why. I needed some self-development. The way my life is set up at this moment, I need lots of practice in keeping a level head, being more measured, considering a fuller perspective, and sadly, I need more work on compassion. I need some growth and muscle by way of wisdom—having an intelligent attitude toward life experiences. If I didn’t have the challenges with folks, I wouldn’t have the chops to level up in certain areas of my life, my career, my marriage and ministry. Some relationships have to run their courses, so you can build a resistance to them and so that your spirit will naturally know how to respond when the virus comes up again. If you cut them too quick, you will be weak in well-doing.
But Judas Iscariot, Tho
Don’t nobody really like talking about Judas when they want to cut people out of their lives. But Jesus didn’t cut Judas off (I know you ain’t Jesus, sis.). Matter of fact, Jesus gave Judas permission go on and do his thing. Looked him dead off in the eye and said “Go get yo money, mane,” knowing full well Judas was going to betray him. But some things had to get done. A whole prophecy had to be fulfilled. A whole human race had to be saved. A whole bunch of sins needed a conduit through which forgiveness could take place. So, we get Judas… And Jesus didn’t cut him off. I woulda cut that joka off so quick. But see, I ain’t Jesus, and I would’ve messed up something. Listen, seek the Lord before you make that last snip. You don’t really know what the greater glory is, until you ask him why he placed the folks in your life…in your life.
What if YOU Need to Get Cut?
I need to be transparent right here. When I see these memes about cutting people out of your lives, I always wonder, “What if they are slick talking about me?” (Surely, they couldn’t be, but…what if?). Sometimes… (and I’m a blogger today, not an English teacher). Sometimes… Y’all be the ones that need to get cut off! For real. We be out here doing the most, thinking we on another level and we don’t need lateral moves we need moves that level us up. Like we’re the only prize. Like we’re not in somebody’s lives on the level below. Like we ain’t hurt nobody’s feeling. Like we ain’t constantly out here doing the same sh–, wait… Like we ain’t constantly out here doing the same mess we were doing twenty years ago. Sometimes <gulp>, we are the problem. And let’s, just for a moment, imagine that we are. And it’s time for US to get cut out of somebody else’s life. How would we want that to go?
In my new gig, I have had the bless’ed advantage to be privy to and recipient of The. Most. Foolishness. I’ve ever seen in my ENTIRE life. It’s ridiculous! And in the beginning, I was very shy about approaching issues. I used so many flowery words like, Have you considered? May I offer you? Can you tell me about? Talk to me more about. After a couple of times with that, I was so sick of wasting time with the preliminaries. What people really need to know is what they are doing wrong, so they won’t do that sh–…wait…so they won’t do that mess no more. Now, I lay it right out. “Listen. You are doing ___. It is causing ____. And it is inappropriate, or self-serving, or unprofessional, or un-collegial, or impropriety, or may cause potential damage to… Look, if you are going to cut people out of your life, at least tell them why. That’s real ministry. That’s ministry you would want someone to give to you. Don’t just walk off and be stank without letting them know the what’s-what. They need to know where they went wrong, so they won’t do that stank mess to somebody else. And even if the cut-offee does go and do that stank mess to somebody else, you can say…but I told them, tho. Then you can feel completely free, because after all, you told them…
Hopefully this post blessed you, cause it’s long and it’s time for me to cut it off. I’ll see you in the comments.
Scissors on Sharp