Flesh on Display? Again?
Yep I’ve discovered a new strain of FOD that’s sweeping the souls of Christian women all over the church. It’s what I call the Cover Girl Syndrome, a sneaky perversion of accentuating the positive. I’ve done it before myself, using clothes and make-up and absolutely fabulous shoes to cover up a lot of pain and heartache and feelings of failure.
I noticed the syndrome five years ago, about six weeks after my second son came into the world kicking and screaming at a whopping 1 pound and 9 ounces. Yeah, my little Quincy was smaller than a Thanksgiving Cornish Hen. I took a little part time job at the Fashion Fair counter after I healed from my C-section, so that I could be close to him as he lay in the hospital connected to all kinds of tubes and needles that took the place of me keeping him alive.
I was embarrassed. What was wrong with me? How come my baby had to be born too soon. Why couldn’t I carry children well. Didn’t God create me to be fruitful and multiply? What was wrong with my womb? I must be damaged.
But, when I put my make up on, beat my face out with beautiful shades of mahogany and rose, highlighted my eyelids in my favorite shades of emerald and lime green, painted my full lips in fuschias, bronzes, and yes even reds, I was not the mother who couldn’t carry my second baby full term. I was the lady at the Fashion Fair counter with beautiful skin and an uncanny ability to blend colors that no one would ever think of blending. I didn’t have to talk about my underdeveloped, underweight son. I didn’t have to explain over and over why and how he came so early. All of that was covered up by my meticulously and exquisitely painted face.
I mistook my blessing, the miracle that is Quincy as a nasty flaw, an exposure of my physical imperfections. God created him to be my testimony and ministry to His wonderful healing power. In an effort to dismiss my pain and feelings of inadequacy, I put my on Flesh on Display to the world, ignoring the blessing I had in my perfectly tiny baby.
My limited knowledge of pop psychology lets me know that many women who go to the extreme in covering themselves in materialism and outward adornments are trying to muffle the pain they are experiencing. They may be trying to cover a past that is ugly and undesirable, often dismissing that deliverance from unsightly experiences are a true testimony to God’s grace and Jesus’ love for us.
Is this an all out protest against make-up and nice clothes, jewels, homes, and cars? Of course not. But ladies, we must be mindful that our coverings are not an attempt to mask problems underneath. Eventually we get so comfortable with the mask, we truly believe that no one else knows there are problems. But, we are only fooling ourselves, God sees. And also, God gives others a discerning spirit that sees beneath the mask as well.
When you are ready, sit down and get in God’s mirror. He will show you the inner workings of your spirit and offer you an opportunity for deliverance. Then and only then will the positive be accentuated: the power that God has the power to positively impact your life. Ironically, the glow from the inside will become your foundation, the light in your eyes the perfect color for your lids. God’s robe of righteousness will be the perfect fit for your body, and you won’t be so self-conscious of putting Flesh on Display in an effort to deflect attention from the sufferings of the spirit.
This, my sisters, is one of the first steps in becoming Who’s That Lady. It is the first step in others asking you, “What’s That Light?” that shines from deep down within.
Hey Di,
I am sooooo glad you are back! As I mentioned to you, I really missed your voice on the blog, however, this morning as I read the new post the Lord clearly spoke to me and said “don’t be anxious or disappointed when you don’t see a new post from her, be patient and give me the time I need to minister to her so that she can minister to you”.
Thank you for the message.
Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Cover Girl…
Shiny lips, beautiful eyes, defined cheeks, everything you need to look FABULOUS for any ocassion. Wait; can I use those things to look FABULOUS for a GOD ocassion?
I don’t know if your bestfriend inspired you with this post, but when we were talking and laughing Sunday about the secrets bestfriends have and keep, she said “our secrets are also testimonies”. THAT WAS POWERFUL!!!
I want to be just as transparent as you were about the birth of Quince (Quincy), because what the world influences us to preceives as trials are truly tests that will eventually become testimonies.
I have always been pretty fashionable; I like nice things, nice clothes and I looooove shoes. My ex-husband said it was one of the things that attracted him to me; he said he would ask himself “how is it that she is always so together everytime I see her, no matter where it is”. Well one of the most painful times in my life was during the time that same man and I experienced a divorce. I was raised by my granparents who were married fifty-five years; I dreamed of having a husband who adored me for being his perfect wife, we would have two children, a dog, live in a barbie doll style mansion and we would be married for at least fifty-five years!
Needless to say, it didn’t happen. Most of my fifteen years of marriage were wonderful, people thought we were the perfect couple, he made me laugh, feel secure, loved and needed by him. We had our two beautiful children and a dog. No mansion, no fifty-five years. By the time our marriage was over, I was so caught up in flodging and keeping up appearance,that I lost focus, NO I WASN’T TRYN TO FOCUS on what God was actually doing in my life! I was embarrassed, I didn’t want the dream to die, truth is the dream had already died inside the house, but I couldn’t let the church, the neighbors, my co-workers, etc. know the dream was dead. I was angry, resentmentful and honestly I hated the day my ex was born and many times wished death on him, because I was soooooo hurt!!!(I’m being honest) I never thought I would love again and didn’t want to love again, because that would mean making myself vulnerable to someone that could possiblly hurt me. All of this was going on inside, but with my outside swagger, puh, no one knew! Or so I thought (sometimes we have on too many cover girl products, everyone can see we look like a clown except for us).
Finally one day at work, I was sitting at my desk, the whole left side of my body went numb, I was carted out of city hall on a stretcher on the verge of having a massive stroke!!! Instead of crying, acknowledging my anger, hurt, my disappointment, my feelings of failure, my embarrassment, my feelings of fear; instead of releasing it all to the Master, I was killing myself. The doctors took all kinds of test, at that time I was not overweight, I exercised, did all of the right things, so why was I about to have a stroke? It was the COVER GIRL SYNDROME!
I thank God for every trial he has brought me through, especially my divorce. Now I am not glad I got a divorce, but I thank God for bringing me through, with my sane mind, I thank him for keeping my children whole through the midst of it all, and most of all I thank him for maturing me and my ex-husband and drawing both of us closer to him.
I now know experiencing my trial of divorce helps me to minister to other women experiencing the samethng. I tell myself often, my testimony is not to dictate to another young lady what she shoulda, woulda, coulda do, but I am an instrument God is using to show how he can deliver from any situation, and better than that he can RESTORE and bring life to what you may have thought was DEAD!
“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. ” Jeremiah 29:11 Thank you God for your word…
Learning his purpose and plan for Demetria~
BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY BESTEST “BIG RODNEY” MY EX-HUSBAND!
Hi DiAnne,Wonderfully and well put. I have to say that I agree with almost everything you said. However, all sisters that dress according to their standards are not always hiding or covering up something. Most often times the way you look is how you feel about yourself. I know after I had my second son, life was stressful for a lot reasons. I was not as focused on my physical. It was about working on my inner child and family at that time. I too have suffered through situations some just like you. I have dealt with feminine issues just as you have. Especially before my first son, when doctors said you can’t have kids. Well Guess what, I have two BEAUTIFUL SONS. Yeah, there were quite a few hiccups for my husband and myself when trying to conceive and carry. I still had complications with both sons’ deliveries. My only defense mechanism at that time was to keep smiling outwardly when hurting inwardly. Not so much to allude others, but to keep myself from breaking down. See when you go through things it makes you stronger within. When a spiritual being carries through things, you KNOW you couldn’t have done alone. That my friend is a true testimony of faith. You talked about the ‘discerning spirit’, I know I have been blessed with that capability. There are times when I meet a person for the first time, and I know their intentions before they act on them. I hate seeing into others pain because it saddens me. I do it everyday. My grandmother and my mother knew I had this capability as a child, this is one reason why I stand clear of ‘hurt or wounded’ people. See there is a difference in being a discerning spirit and just overall sizing a person up.
This tool was given to me by God as a survival tool because he knew how to prepare his child for life. I don’t project my past experiences onto my worst enemy however, I will definitely use it as a teaching tool for those whom I see need it. Remind you I am a 28 year old female with two sons that is married, let me tell you and anyone else, who thinks age is a factor in living, ma’ams lets talk over lunch. Trust me all this ties into the Cover Girl Syndrome.
I consider myself a fairly pretty women sometimes others may see as intimidating. Not always because of my physical, it is my ‘discerning spirit’ and/or inner glow along with the happiness of myself, and who I am that makes them uncomfortable. I do my own thing, I dress how I want to dress, speak accordingly, and am the most righteous person might ever meet. At least, this is what I am told by others. So every young lady, women, and girl may just be who she appears to be and not have a Cover Girl Syndrome. Believe me I know this is the exception rather than the rule. I’ll tell you what I was told by a wise soul, LEARN TO LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!
Thanks Ladies
Peace, Tenico
Thanks Tenico for that keen observation. Trust, I get a hankering now and then to go all out. I don’t see a thing wrong with it. But for clarification, I didn’t mean all divas with flair for giving face, just the ones that may go a brush stroke too far. Thank you for your insight. You are definitely one wise woman. Blessings…
I’M COMING OUT… I WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW…GOTTA LET IT SHOW!
Cover Girl certainly inspired me to think of this song.I must say that the blogs after, were just as interesting as well…
I would like to offer Cover Girl from a different perspective… The perspective of the “Preacher’s Kid”.
There’s a cliche that goes… “Preacher’s kids are the worst” which is so common in the church that it almost hurts… Well I beg to pardon this flow of thought with an idea that in my mind was bought a long time ago… Sure Preacher’s kids are the worst in the eyes of many because they are convinced at an early age that they have to look the part, act the part, speak the part, and live the part… All apart from the reality of what exists outside of the church.
What really exists is the same struggles of those who come to church and lay all of their troubles on the alter, if not more because aside from having our own personal problems we watch as our Dad’s or Mom’s take on the personal pressures of others… And believe me these pressures are more than most would ever even be able to imagine let alone handle.
Preacher’s kids are supposed to be happy, healthy, smart, and completely well rounded individuals… At least that’s what the spectators say… Well let’s just consider this theory for a moment… Preacher’s kids are the worst because the display of extremely ignorant, outlandish, way out in left field behavior; is the only behavior that pulls or even pries the attention of the pastor away from others… Let’s consider that the reason the Preacher’s kids go to jail is because there is where you can find my daddy counseling someone else’s child… The reason Preacher’s kids do drugs is because the rehab is where you can find my daddy praying for someone else’s deliverance… The reason the Preacher’s kids deliberately hurt themselves and end up in the hospital is because my daddy is there as the Chaplain… The reason the Preacher’s kids act up in school is because there is where you sent my daddy to check on your child… The reason the Preacher’s kids are promiscuous (Uh Oh) is because that is the image being shown as the way to get attention…
Cover Girl personally ministers to my spirit because for so long I have dressed up, articulated my words, wrote the perfect speeches, song in the right tune, walked with my head up and my chest stuck out… When my spirit was screaming something else… My behavior (outside of church) certianly depicted SOMEONE else…
I sought attention, I was resentful of the fact that the most important days of my life were stripped away by someone or something that needed my daddy’s attention more. SO I put on my makeup, my stilletos, and dressed to impress, and I sought that attention from any other Man that was willing to give it… I was looking for the love and passion that I experienced from my first love… In another…. and so the journey began…
So here I am now, sitting and thinking… It wasn’t until someone showed me that I could experience love on a different level with the Master that began to see… that all of the time I thought I was missing something… God was sitting in the garden saying come to me… Come to me dear child… Come and I will show you who you were destined to be… I used your parents as vessels so that you could see my glory… You were made to serve me… That why your name means Free… You are free to be who you are because you were made in my image you see… See the beautiful woman I intented you to be…. know truly who you are and that will be your philosophy for so many others to see… and agree…. that if not for your trials and tribulations… Other women couldn’t live, love, laugh, learn, and see… through the beautiful rose colored glasses that you bling… and even though the glasses are pretty in pink, the vision that I give is crystal clear and reminds you of only one thing……..
God Is…
Fran’Kel,
Your comments really sparked some reflection (again) for me. I enjoyed your honesty in responding. I along with my husband are raising (and baking) preacher’s kids and am considering how to circumvent the PK label. But I know that prayer and an outward representation of God’s word are keys to spiritual success. Your voice on this subject is wonderful and as you continue to read and respond, I’d love for you to consider featuring on the blog. Thanks for a lovely read.
DiAnne
Frannie (Fran’Kel),
All I can say is I am blessed to know that God made us from the same piece of material. The pattern he used may be a little different; different texture, different color me sapphire and you amber (inside family knowledge,lol), but the material is that of strength, resilence, wrinkle free, permanently pressed. We are the fourth & fifth generations of virteous, strong, powerful and God fearing women (Annie’s children)!!
I love you boo; thanks for your comments. Love your Tee Tee…
Learning his purpose and plan for Demetria~