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It’s not them; it’s you.

Have you ever found yourself running into the same kinds of unsavory people and situations ALL the time.  I mean, every time you turn around, some foolishness is ensuing, and it’s affecting you negatively.  It’s almost as if all the bad stuff is aimed at destroying your life (and your life only), on purpose.  Everyone gets offended by what you say.  Everything seems to work against your favor.  Every friend says that you’re too critical to talk to.  Every phone call, lately, goes un-returned.  Every relationship you start seems to end bitterly.

What’s wrong with everyone?


What if it’s not everyone?  What if it’s (God forbid!), you…

I’ve found myself in similar situations mentioned above. And I thought I was soooo self-aware, self-reflective, self-corrective and all that other pop psychology stuff, but alas, I’ve discovered that a lot of the negative stuff I’ve thought was directed at me had more to do with my own foolishness than someone else’s.

When you figure out you are the common denominator in most of the drama of your life, you don’t know what to do with yourself.  A lot of times, we get “extra” when this happens.  We overcompensate, because we are embarrassed.  This, of course, causes others to be even more annoyed, because you’re doing too much of everything else except addressing the issue.  So then, you lay low for a minute.  This doesn’t work, because it gives you too much time to spend by yourself, and you begin to self-deprecate–that is think about every little flaw you have and magnify it about a million times.

So what do you do when you make that debilitating discovery that it’s not them, but it’s you?

  1. Acknowledge your part.  For any program of healing and deliverance from any ill-behaviors, this is the first step.  God calls it confession, admitting that you went off the rails for a minute and acknowledging that it wasn’t cool at all.
  2. Reflect on the behaviors.  I know. I know.  The past is the past; however, if your past isn’t propelling you to a greater future, your disregard of it is a big mistake. You shouldn’t beat yourself up, though. Still, if you don’t look back to see what you did wrong, how can you change your behaviors?
  3. Discover the why behind the what.  All of our behaviors are fueled by something. Most times things that happened to us in our childhood shape how we respond to things in our adulthood.  In reflection mode, try to remember the first time you started doing that thing you do that drives people, things, prosperity, positivity, away.
  4. Make peace with it.  This is when the healing begins.  You aren’t the only person in the world who is given the gift of screwing up…repeatedly.  Once you discover where your behaviors are coming from, you can move forward knowing that you are in the perfect position to get some spiritual surgery done to remove the problem.
  5. Seek God in gaining deliverance.  God made you, so he knows all the special medicines you need for your specific spiritual ailments.  Go to Him with an earnest heart and put your desire for transformation and deliverance on His altar.
  6. Let Him do His perfect work.  This has always been the hard part for me, because in my experience, the process of perfection has been so very uncomfortable.  Surgery hurts when the anesthesia wears off and the wounds of the incision begin to come back to life.  Getting back to normal is less comfortable, because my flesh struggles against what God wants to do in my spirit.  Often, I resist.  But relenting is better.  Exercising the place of the incision helps healing, even though it hurts.  So God gives us every opportunity to heal in our trouble areas by allowing us to practice better behaviors in those areas. Eventually (notice, I didn’t say soon),the healing exercises will start to work, and the healing process will be less prickly and uncomfortable.
  7. Stay the course.  Yes, God does His perfect work, but you don’t get off that easy.  You have stuff to do to.  I think the biggest lie ever told on this Christian journey is things will be easy, and that all we have to do is call Jesus up on His mainline and tell Him what we want, then sit back and do nothing.  It doesn’t work like that, saints.  I don’t recall any true deliverance happening in the Bible without some work on the part of the person who needed deliverance.

It won’t always be you.  Remember that.  But also be aware when it is you; take the steps to look in God’s mighty mirror, so that he can show you where your problems lie.  Go through the seven steps, and your spirit will eventually be fit as a fiddle.

Prepping for Surgery,


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  1. Great post! Thanks for the reminder to examine self.

  2. ciera ciera

    This was right on time!! I needed to hear every word!!

  3. I think when we realize that everybody has issues, we won’t be so hard on ourselves. We have to be patient and learn how to be merciful to our own selves as we go through the grueling process of genuine growth. When we look in the mirror and see something we don’t like, we should get happy because it means God trusts us enough to accept the truth and do something about it. The ability to introspect is powerful and takes great maturity to facilitate. You are ahead of the curve, my dear.

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