I love Dominos Lava Crunch Cakes. When I treat myself to them, I savor every bite. I hold the lumps of warm chocolate filling in my mouth and let them dissolve. I eat them slowly, knowing that I won’t be eating them again soon. The most important element in savoring is time. We need to savor our words…let them sit in our mouths a while until the time is right. Savoring your words is forming what you want to say, but not sending it out into the universe until the time is right. Savoring also allows you to avoid responding in haste; it allows you time to collect all relevant information and hear all sides of the story before responding. Savoring involves doing things slowly, and when we do things slowly, we have the advantage of time and paying attention to subtle nuances we might otherwise overlook.
I read in The Last Days of Ptolemy Gray that the older one gets, the more he/she lives in the past. I’ve started to reflect on how I’ve hurt people with my words. It is from these reflections that my posts have come. What can I do when I’ve already said words I should not have? Nothing. That’s like trying to replace the last of the leftovers that I ate. Depending on the situation and persons involved, I either go back to the person that I know I have offended and apologize, or I file that away as a lesson learned and use it in the future. I’ve done both. While “eating crow” can be humiliating, I have found it to be cathartic for me and for the offended.
The problem I have had with verbal communication (especially during conflict) is trying to maintain power. I fear if I hesitate too long to speak, I will be seen as weak and will be pushed over and taken advantage of. This fear prompts me to speak quickly and sharply with deadly aim. In no way am I saying one should be defenseless against verbal disrespect or abuse. What am I saying is if we give more thought to what and how we say things, we will do more good than harm.
The enemy wishes to use our gifts for his purpose. So if you have an uncanny ability to encourage and lift others up, you must be especially careful that you don’t use your quick turn of words to take folks down a peg or two to satisfy your own emotional needs.