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Using the F-Word: Notes on Flagrant Forgiveness

dianneinpurple4It wasn’t until a friend of mine brought the F-word to my attention, that I realized that I didn’t use it as fully as I should.  I mean I said the F-word a lot, but I never really practiced it; I never put to good use.  Frankly saying the F-word for me is much easier than actually practicing it, and when someone called me on the carpet about it, I was convicted.  Hi my name is DiAnne Malone and I’m a Flagrant Forgiver.

I know the two words (flagrant, forgive) are in direct conflict with each other, but when I think about the way I forgive, I’d have to say, I kind of threw the word out there–not caring where it landed. However, my being so haphazard about forgiveness, caused the receiver to believe I would behave a certain way (in a forgiving way), only to find out I was even more offensive after I said, “I forgive you,” than I was when I first discovered the offense.  I forgave with conditions.  There was a hidden fee I charged you along with my forgiveness, and I was bound and determined to make the offender pay. Dearly.

I thought I was doing something.  After all, the offender had to pay, even after forgiveness, and who better to pay than me, the offendee?  However, when my girl made this statement, “people tell me to forgive, but they don’t tell me HOW to forgive.  I mean I SAID I forgave, but I still feel like I didn’t forgive.”  I realized, I had no idea what forgiveness looked like.  How does one do that?  HOW do you forgive?  I mean really, forgive.

I think many of us look at the F-word like it’s magic.  Those on the giving and receiving end of forgiveness feel as if once the word is spoken, tringalingapoof, everything returns back to normal, in the twinkling of an eye. Listen when I tell you, that dog ain’t never gon’ hunt.  Somewhere between the offense and the offended, the word and the deed, the hurt and the healing, there is a gap, where offense and forgiveness don’t quite meet.

I want to take some time out to close that gap, but I won’t be doing it alone, for just as unique and specific as our personalities, so are our paths to and through forgiveness.  I realize the analogy I give may not work for all of you; so, I enlisted the help of my very capable bloggers to share their perspective.

And it’s really neat, because when I sent the call for these types of posts to my team, a few responded by saying they were already working on posts of that ilk.  I call that divine blogging, right there.

So, I urge you, if you don’t read the blog any other day, please take a peek on Fridays, because I believe  these blogs will take you to better place.  I want to hear about the better place in your comments.  Don’t keep your testimonies to yourself.  Bloggers like to hear when something has helped the readers.  It encourages us to keep writing and bending our ear to what you need to polish up that inner-bling.

On next Friday, I will start with the blog, “The Exercise of Forgiveness.”  This was truly a God-revealed insight, as it ministered to a friend and me at the same kind.  The analogy just came out of nowhere.  I hope it helps you too.

The following Friday, I will feature a blog by our resident marriage expert, Zina Henry.  She tackles the issue of whether or not there can be true forgiveness after infidelity in a marriage.  She will also take us through the brambles and briar patches of forgiveness and healing that can occur after a spouse steps outside the marriage to pursue sexual and emotional intimacy.

We will also hear about forgiveness from a man’s point of view, because we all know men think in a totally different color than women, and to explore and take in the forgiveness process from that side of the gender gap will help us as, we pursue our relationships with the God-fearing man of our dreams.

So yes, it’s gonna get juicy!  It’s gonna convict!  You may get some spiritual cuts and punches to the gut, but you gotta stay linked to the blog, and pass it on to others, so that we can spread the love around the world.

Using the F-Word Freely,


Published inForgiveness FridaysHer IssuesHer Light

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